Month: August 2018

-93 : Wayfinder

“And now the floodgates cannot hold, all my sorrow all my rage, teardrops fall on every page.” – David Gray I met an old friend of a new-old friend last night, whose insistent, deadpan delivery of some bit I can’t even recall this next morning started me laughing and then laugh-crying and then turning away from the table, afraid that last poorly-timed mouthfull of salad would come out my nose. It was glorious; rediscovering that […]

-94 : Swift Birds

“Skies grow darker. Currents swept you out again.” — TS Those little moments of grace when someone gives you exactly what you need, despite it not being your right to ask, or their obligation to do so. The nascent ability to just shut the fuck up and take a lecture, when and where one is offered. There’s always some worthwhile truth in a lecture, if you pay enough attention, and stow your ego long enough […]

-95 : Triangulation

“I’ve got that deer in the headlights look locked up.” – Family of the Year I came to Portland because I need to keep the depatterning going. A sense, a hunch, that getting far enough away from home, on my own, just for a few days, might clarify. Add the kind of perspective I’m missing, up so close to all this new action. And, I suppose, because it takes three points to triangulate, and the […]

-96 : Tears

“There is beauty behind every tear you cry.” – Bea Miller I started crying again last fall. At first, a lot. A dam breaking. Crying for all those years, all that missed time; for the thousands of moments where I was physically present but not really there; not really here. And, I suppose, for what could have been, what I could have been. For the love that I could suddenly see and feel but that […]

-97 : re:Birthday

“Everybody’s got to lose their darkness sometime.” — Sting A year ago today, I took my first dose of an SSRI, and it changed everything. It changed everything, and almost immediately. Like, the very next day. I was sure it was wishful thinking/the placebo effect, at first. Then that following week was just an epic trainwreck — I mean, the timing was ridiculous. I noted that, too: I wasn’t blogging then — I wrote two […]